This past week Washington State Senator, Maureen Walsh, proclaimed that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably played cards for a considerable amount of the day, ” (CNN). What she was specifically referring to, is rural hospitals with smaller number of patients/beds to take care of. What she underestimated in her ill-planned statement though is a true caregiver’s perspective.
True Love
You see, I was seven months pregnant with my first child, when my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. We were blindsided by the diagnosis, let alone the late stage, and even the detrimental words “terminal.” We live very rural, a small lake-town that thrives off of tourism in our service industry businesses. And, I have to tell you, Senator Walsh was right: those chemotherapy infusion nurses, those post-surgery, seventh floor angels, those pain-control, specialty oncology nurses, they did play cards. I watched, observed, cried, thanked, and even begged them to keep playing cards to save my husband. Let me tell you about those cards they played:
When those masked, and scrubbed-in angels pushed my husband out on his hospital bed, down the corridors, and into his new “home” for the next 10 days–they played the card of who they should take care of first–their patient or the patient’s wife. They struggled if they should take care of the man wincing and crying out in pain, or if they should take care of the seven-month swollen expecting momma that was beside herself as she hovered over his body in his bed. They played the cards of wondering what they should convince that desperate wife and expecting mother of first: should she eat and feed that small babe growing inside her, or do we tell her she needs to sleep for the first time since they checked in four days ago?
Eight Months Pregnant, in for another surgery for an infection that developed.
Those blue-scrubbed Mercy Angels played the cards of wondering if they wrap their arms around that depleted wife when she was on her hands and knees begging God to relieve the pain her husband gasped for help with–or do they hold the small nine-month old chunky baby that was in the hospital floor playing with his toys to give that devoted wife a moment to just be her husband’s best friend and saving grace.
Those chemotherapy and infusion nurses–the real heroes in our story–they juggled the most cards of all. They juggled do we take care of the expecting momma, and later the momma of a five-day old, or do we tend to our patient’s every need. Do we take food, baby toys, or any of their needs to their overnight hospital stay, or do we stay home with our own families that we need to spend time with? They juggled whether they got to cry in front of us, or escape to the backroom to relieve emotions, when the oncologist said there was nothing more we could do. When those champion card players saw that frail, bony husband of mine disoriented, unaware of everything going on around him, and a momma carrying him on one arm, and their sweet year old baby in the other out of the chemo clinic–they played the card of what emotion they got to show that day.
Our “spot” at our doctor’s appointment every other Thursday. All day infusion, meant juggling lesson plan writing, grading papers, and a sweet baby taking a nap in between me and his Daddy’s chair.
Senator Walsh, you are correct. Our rural, country, small-town nurses do play cards all day–in fact, a considerable amount of the day. Wait–no– all day and all night. They play cards when they go home, when they are supposed to be with their families, when they are supposed to take care of themselves. They are master card players, the real poker faces in this game of healthcare. They play the cards of taking care of patients, taking care of patient’s caregivers, families, dying wishes, egos, dignity, and every single basic need in between. And while they are playing those cards, they are card sharks at playing their own cards of emotions, family, vulnerability, and juggling their personal time that they devote to their patients and their families. They attend funerals, they hold that wife and that brand new baby in their arms while they weep because they are standing at the coffin of a patient they loved.
They are card sharks. Poker faces. True Vegas-style card players. Yes, Senator Walsh, my husband’s country, rural-small town nurses play cards. The very best cards there are to play. And I couldn’t be more thankful.
A Champion for Nurses,
Joe Smith’s Widow
Kristina Smith is a widow, mother, Special Education Administrator, Colorectal Cancer National Advocate, Blogger and Amazon Best-Selling Author of “What I Wasn’t Expecting, When I Was Expecting: A Grieving Widow’s Memoir”
You can purchase your personal copy of Smith’s memoir here.
Firsts Beyond the First 
Thank you for your amazing faith in the medical field. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your little one.
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. It’s hard and isn’t easy but you are such a loving person and advocate. I am a hospice nurse in a small inpatient unit and I am grateful if I have a lower census so I can provide better care and quality care to my patients and families. Thank you for you advocacy for nurse and for cancer patients. Your arrival touched me in a special way. Bless you and your family!!
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What a loving tribute to your husband and child. Thank you so much for caring and giving at your time of sorrow. I’m an Oncology RN and love doing it. I learn so much more from my patients that I could EVER teach them. I learn tolerance, I learn patience, I learn giving , I learn love. The most valuable thing I’ve learned is appreciation of every blessed minute on this earth that God has bestowed upon us.
May God grant you peace in this wonderful life. He has certainly Blessed you with grace and humility.
All the Best, Sandy
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I had tears after reading your story. I thank you for taking the time to say about us nurses playing our best hands. I’m very sorry for your loss.
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Bless all the nurses for their wonderful understandings. Being a retired RN I too know how trying it is but so very rewarding to be able to give comfort to those in need. My prayers go out to all those in need.
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Has this woman ever been in a hospital. I hope Senator Walsh never needs the care of those card-playing nurses. But, if she does, she will find them in the lounge playing cards while they leisurely consume their lunch or while on their breaks with their coffee. May I suggest that she sit at the desk of a med/surg floor and observe for awhile? She obviously needs the education – a “walk in my shoes” day would be good for her.
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Being a nurse is an actress position.
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Got out because I wasn’t able play anymore. Patients AND Family members deserve time. You can’t always give comfort to either without sacrificing your paperwork and managers on the other end. Threw my chips in and stayed with the patient. Too many chiefs who know everything about clients or customers. I never changed calling them PATIENTS. Have you ever seen what happens when one of our own has to be hospitalized?? Better get better quick or lose you job! Happening right now to someone who is an excellent worker and had the misfortune to have a heart problem and then back problem that of course is unrelated to the first! The hospitals are run totally by greed. Greed on the part of the drug companies, the CEO’s and of course the insurance company’s are all knowledgeable about what is needed to help “customers”. That’s why older Doctors are leaving and retiring. They can do what their knowledge tells them by a test because the insurance company says they have to do x,y,z first! Only to find that everything is inconclusive and the best test is the one the doctor wanted first. It happen all the time. Speaking of insurance the reason I stayed so long was to have insurance to cover myself. Finally, I jump off the ledge and got a happier career. However, the hospital insurance I used to have is now a 70/30 plan and ALL the employees ONLY have that choice. Basically what I have now but I pay more. But…I’m happier mentally and physically. I wonder how the CEO is doing with his 70/30 plan….I became a nurse because I could do the work, I paid for it myself. It afforded me to support my single self and raise my beloved pets. I don’t live in a McMansion, I can’t have nails. (Real nurses don’t do polish or tips). Socialized medicine will never hurt anyone except the aforementioned greedy beings. No one is talking about healthcare, I keep paying all this money for nothing. It really is simple to correct. The sick get taken care of, the fakers don’t. (We as nurses know who they are because they keep coming back.) Real people don’t want to stay in a hospital, they want to be surrounded by family and friends. They WORK to get themselves better. They do not lay around, get high and want more ice cream and drugs because their pain is a 10. People like this family make me remember when Nursing was good and I actually felt like I helped. If only to sit and hold a hand or get a cup of coffee for a loved one. Every CEO has left hauling out a big fat bag of cash and a VIP bed will ALWAYS be waiting for him and the family. How do they, insurance masters and drug company vampires sleep. My guess, very well. Bitter, I am. I try to take care of myself but I know, sooner than I would like to think I will be using my hard fought for money to get substandard hospital care because the big three just don’t give a damn!
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Obviously a Republican🤡🤡
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First and foremost, I am so sorry for the loss you and your family has endured. Our family experienced such heartbreak while losing my wonderful, 36 year-old son-in-law to colon cancer. My daughter, a special education teacher with her two young in tow, “nursed” him for seven torturous months, but each time he was hospitalized for the numerous complications, infections and procedures, it was the nurses who provided the much welcomed comfort, caring, support and respite for the entire family. I’ve been a nurse for over 40 years and honestly do not recall even once, having the time, desire or remarks and somehow makes amends to the hardworking nurses around the globe.
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in the last 15 years, i had a malignant rain tumor, and my daughter had a melanoma on her foot (we live in oregon so not from the sun). my daughter still keeps in touch with her nurses at the children’s hospital, and is in the process of applying to nursisg schools.
thank you Nancy and Haley
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Maryan D (RN x 47 yrs )
I think I speak for all nurses when I say thank you for your support ! Not everyone understands a nurses life . So much better when told by someone who walked into our life and held hands with us through a journey. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
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I got tears in my eyes as I read this. Firstly foe your loss. Cancer is not a kind illness. Secondly because I am a nurse. Yes I have much to complain about: starting from long hours, hard work, poor remuneration and difficult patients/family. But nursing is not just a career, it is a lifestyle which I chose and are very proud of. Unfortunately in my country it has become merely a job vir many nurses and the passion for the profession has been lost. For this I feel a great sadness. But I thank you for advocating for nurses such as myself who still try their best to provide care with compassion and pride, even at times where it is not so easy….
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So sorry for you and your children’s lost! yesterday was the 3rd year my son in law past away from Cancer. I am RN of 39 years I appreciate the time you took to see and understand what a real nurse IS. I have worked in every field of nursing and cried myself to sleep many times! Nurses for there well being need lunch or a 15 minute break! But most probably will not take even if given! Thank you!
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Your story touched me not because some senator doesn’t know what is going on around her but because of the loss of your husband. I am a RN and I have held the hand of a dying patient or their family member – they have taught me many things about love, comfort and as a male RN I never thought I would be in a position to try to hold back the tears as I watch and be with a family member as their love one slips away from into eternal life. You try to hold it together because you have to be strong for the family – you force yourself into “nurse mode” then after you are away from them you break down and wonder what else you could have one. I have worked in large hospitals and small rural hospitals- the big difference is that in rural hospitals is that you generally know the patients from living in the small town and that makes it even harder. But I have never seen a deck of cards in any hospital that I have worked at – I simply don’t have time to play. For the senator that was elected by the people of her district I feel you must check your resources before opening your mouth – I have often wondered why it takes our government to take so long to get things done – I feel that my tax dollars are going to waste but I guess they are because you are playing cards.
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I see many responses here written by attendants to sick people and their loved ones about what their own experiences were within our American healthcare system– and almost none for the survivors of its duresses.
People who were treated by, ambulated by, and cared for by these systems, in my view, are most fit to critique them.
Aren’t ours the voices you should listen to?
Perhaps I can offer a perspective of what it feels like to be treated by these people. I’m a regularly hospitalized person who might offer some comment.
There’s no individual attention. None. If I’m not soiling my sheets, I’m ignored. I’m left alone, often left on a stretcher in a hallway, for hours.
And even when I have to vomit constantly, the best (which I always have to ask to get) are vomit bags, because I’m not allowed access to a toilet. I can’t even explain the anxiety of needing to vomit without access to a toilet or vomit bag. Should I throw up all over myself, and wait hours for medical attention?
I’m always left in my stretcher bed for hours on end, and have to walk (it’s difficult) to a nurse to ask to open a locked door to a bathroom (which I can use for maybe 5 minutes at a time.)
I have to ask for water, and only get it maybe 50% of the time after asking, because there are no water fountains in the ward.
Nurses “play cards” because they attend to other patients with more pressing immediate symptoms.
And it’s absolute hell on physically restrained patients who need aid, but aren’t “sick enough” to get it.
We need more nurses. Period. We need people who aren’t so hard-pressed for their time that they physically chain people to beds while they wait to deal with them.
After 6 hours in physical restraints, nothing else matters but getting free so that you can return to your life.
The stories of those who have suffered are important, and erased through posts like this.
We exist, we suffer, and we understand that those who care for us suffer because of our suffering.
But the most important thing is to improve the prognoses of the sufferers, wouldn’t you agree?
People in hospice care develop PTSD. People who are connected to them develop PTSD-by-proxy.
Can we not just talk about the quality and expense of healthcare?
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My heartfelt sympathy to you and your baby boy! Reading your story, about how and why the nurses were playing their cards the way they were made me feel so proud of the way your husband and you were looked after by that team! I’m a retired RN and this story makes me proud once more of my profession.
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My wife is currently being treated for Colorectal Cancer, have been fighting it for much longer than the diagnosis. Our healthcare nurses, aides and doctors have for the most part been truly amazing. Hospitalists are my least favorite so far. Amazing story.
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I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I appreciate your kind words for us nurses. I am so glad we were there for you and your family in that much needed time. Sending love.
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Well when the Senator goes to the hospital I hope she does not draw the “dead man’s hand” during that card game. My experince in my 67 years is that the best comes from the front line combat troops. Given a choice to do what a nurse tells me or a doctor. I will lean to the nurse.
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So sorry for your loss, but thank you for the beautiful tribute to nurses. I was as nurse for many years and never had the time to play “cards” ! I don’t think anyone has an insight to another’s life unless they were in their shoes.
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I feel after reading the comment from Lorri that SHE is the one who didn’t read the story right! The writer was commenting on Mrs Walsh’s comment about the card playing nurses. She went on to say that yes those nurses did play cards (wore poker faces to hide their grief, concern etc from the patients and familys of their patients not that they were actually playing cards! People really need to be careful when they read things………..Mrs Walsh was NOT giving kudos to the nurses at all and that is so sad.
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Lorri was defending Nurses from Mrs. Walsh’s preposterous statement, she used her “agreement” with Walsh’s statement sarcastically.
Thank you Lorri for the beautiful defense and tribute to Nurses.
💕A privilege to serve for 37 years!💕
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Dear Kristina,
I’m so sorry for your tragic loss! My heart is with you during what must be a very difficult time for you.
Thank you, for taking the time to write this letter of support for us as nurses, even in the midst of your grief over losing your husband/best friend. It’s very appreciated.
I’m thankful your husband and you received professional & compassionate care in your time of need. I’m proud & honored to work with so many wonderful nurses, just like you described.
May God bless you and your precious baby son.
Thank you, again. 💞
Honored to serve since 2003.
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Can not even speak right now ! Sad & angry . All I can say is God Bless all that dedicate their lives to helping others.
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I dont feel you are reading it right ??????
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That Senator obviously has no clue and hopefully one day will be in our Hospital that is only 24 beds and services countless amounts of people
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So thought provoking, I can’t write more!
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I’m a physician but a former nurse. First I want to say to you Kristina Smith, that my heart goes out to you. No one should ever endure what you have endured especially not at your age. Second I want to thank you on behalf of all those nurses, who in my opinion are the heroes that never get honored with a purple heart. Their reward is knowing that they made a different in a person’s. They are the angels that walk on earth sent to all of us to be here for us in moments of joy sorrow and everything in between. They are the true altruistic individuals. One has to walk in a nurse’s shoes to understands the daily sacrifices and altruism. I witness it every day and I also experienced it first-hand. I know a lot of you out there, even though you never been nurses, understand what I’m talking about. Thank God for all of you, and thank God for all those nurses who play their cards well. Your patients are grateful for you, I’m grateful for you. God bless you and keep up the heavenly work you are doing.
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Nurse for 46 years, thank you for your comments!
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God bless all nurses!
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Thank you Kristina for writing this. I am so sorry for you loss. Peace and hugs to you, your baby and family.
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Thank you for your memoir. You took me back to the hospital in Turkey where my husband died of skin cancer. Those ladies spoke very little English, but they certainly spoke compassion, and took as much care of me as they did of my husband. Nurses are the superstars of the medical field.
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I’m an truly sorry for your loss. I have been a nurse for 37 years. I began my career as an oncology nurse and worked that particular unit for 8 years. I saw many patients succumb to an awful disease. You absolutely described the life of a nurse in an amazing and beautiful way. I still can tell you the room number of some of my patients, their diagnosis, and the impact they left on my heart. I cannot imagine doing anything else-
Thank you for your support and advocacy for all nurses!
God bless you and your family.
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This is an inspiration to the nurses coz it’s not easy, nurses should be appreciated …
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Your story broke my heart. I am so very sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for speaking on behalf of nurses. It is a beautiful career, but is extremely difficult at times, but I would not change my career for anything. Sometimes you have to look beyond the ignorant. God bless.
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Senator Walsh should have to spend a week in a small hospital. She truly does not understand what goes on in a health care facility of that size. The nurses must be able to work in any scenario that you can imagine. If someone calls off; one area isn’t as busy as another; an influx of patients comes into the emergency room. You have to be prepared.
My main responsibility was the maternity floor. On afternoon shift, I was often THE nurse. If there were no patients, I often filled in on another floor. When there was a full moon, I could expect a lot of laboring mamas. The only cards I got to play were the medication cards. I might have called for help if I had four laboring patients that were close to delivering. One in the delivery room, three in labor, five new mamas and five babies in the nursery. Playing a game of cards never entered my mind.
From my experience of working in a small hospital, I always said that a newly graduated nurse should have to spend at least three months working in a small hospital where some of the doctors lived a good fifteen miles away and a larger hospital was an hour away by highway. Just think of the actual experience! Just think of the great care! Just think before you voice an opinion!
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I am so very sorry to read about your loss. What a tough woman you are to have been dealt such a rotten hand. It warms my heart to hear many people coming to the rescue of all of us out there just doing what we do. You will always be a Ace. Thank you for this.
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I am so very sorry for loss. I have been on both sides of this bed, as a nurse for 42 years and also as a wife and mother when I lost my husband to cancer.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words for the profession of nursing.
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My job as a critical care nurse starts at 7am and ends anytime after 745pm. In those almost 13 hours I dedicate every minute to my two patients. Eating, drinking, Bathroom breaks? Most days none. My husband sees me when I walk through the door exhausted and satiated. I’m proud. I did my job. I did it with my whole heart. All of the nurses I have ever dealt with in my 20 year career feel exactly the same way. I’m 68 years old. I love my work and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When I retire I may then get a chance to play cards. You, Ms. Politician should start brushing up on your game now. You know word travels fast. Your reputation is already sullied. You have angered many by your thoughtless, impulsive, stupid comments. I do not see you holding an office in this country ever again.
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Amen!!
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Beautifully well said!
Prayers for your loss.
Thank you from a Nurse.
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Thanks to my card playing nurses, I am a 10 year survivor of lung cancer who was given about 6 months to live when surgery was not an option…..God bless all nurses !!!
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I also lost my husband to cancer when I was 4 months pregnant. Being from a small town with a rural hospital we received care from some of the best nurses that not only treated the patient but his pregnant wife. As a nurse myself that was a life changing experience but it opened my eyes to treating not only your patient but also their family. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Thank you for so beautifully honoring my co- professionals. I grieve with them as they support you and your beautiful baby.
Your perfect description of what a Nurse does and who a Nurse truly is describes why I am a Nurse. God’s gift to me was giving the heart and mind of a Nurse.
Thank you and God Bless You,
A very proud RN.
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Bless the gals in white,they are so needed and so loved,also so overworked .They love what they do.And that’s more then any politican can ever say or feel.
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Can’t even comment this is our life as a nurse and very proud to be one
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Thank you for acknowledging the fact that nurses deeply care about their patients – it’s not just a job for us and we do carry the pain of patients and their loved ones when we leave work. I have learned a lot about life over my years as a nurse. As much as you are grateful to the nurses, they are grateful for having known you and your husband. I’m sure it was inspiring for them to see the depth of your love and devotion. The fact that you are writing this beautiful letter validates their lives’ service to others. Thanks for sharing – Alana, Nurse from New Hampshire.
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I’M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS… BUT DO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS YOU HAVE SPOKEN REGARDING NURSES. I MYSELF HAVE BEEN A NURSE FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS NOW, CAN’T IMAGINE MY LIFE ANY OTHER WAY.. AS FOR SENATOR WALSH, I INVITE YOU TO COME SPEND A REAL DAY IN A NURSES LIFE, THEN YOU CAN SPEAK OUT ABOUT A NURSE!
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My father died of pancreatic cancer. I was talking to the nurse when he went into the restroom for a culture. He was embarrassed to ask for help and thought he was stronger than he felt and tried to walk back to bed. When he fell on the floor and I reacted (jumping up) she was there before I could even catch him. She saw what was going to happen before I saw he was going to fall. He hit the floor and she was next to him trying to catch his body
She counted cards, she knew the next one coming and was there next to a frail only weak skinned man,help my father(of embarrassment and myself from reacting). I’m a nurse now bc of her.
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Thank you for seeing and understanding what we nurses do. I was a nurse for over 46 years and though I am retired now, I am still a nurse in my heart. I tried very hard to make a difference . As a critical care nurse, and then 8 years as a hospice nurse, there were many times when I cried with a family for the loss of a loved one. I held many hands and prayed with them. I worked long shifts with no breaks, and sometimes felt completely drained, but I loved what I did, and know God placed me right where I needed to be. God bless all nurses who care.
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Thank you for your kind words for nurses everywhere. Retired now, I worked many long shifts as an RN for 46 + years, and know for a fact that fellow nurses worked hard and went home physically and emotionally drained. As a 10-year cancer survivor, I also have seen nursing from the other side of the bed, and I thank all who helped me. Life is precious, but the people in your life are even more precious.
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Nursing is one of the hardest, heart wrenching , precise, health harming, rewarding, etc. jobs out there & yes We cry over our patients & with them. We lie awake in bed, after our shifts, worrying over & praying for our patients. When someone makes a horrendously stupid statement, as Maureen Walsh did, she should have to do community service at a hospital shadowing a nurse👎👎👎👎👎👎.
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Very true statements I watched my wife go through same cancer stage 4 colon when they found it and spread to her liver and lungs. The nurses were definitely angels. I feel your pain. God bless you and all nurses
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Tank you for speaking out for nurses.
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Nurses are special people
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Nurses that cared for my son dying with cancer were above wonderful. They cared for him and his family. I was a liscensed nurse for 30 years, and my patients were my priority, I went to see them next time sick and in hosp. She may have a change of thought if ever very sick
and admitted.
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Thank you for supporting nurses. I became a nurse after I saw the wonderful work they did supporting my husband over 7 years with leukemia. The compassion they shared with me and our two babies was amazing. They held his hand at his final moments, as I had taken the children home to get some sleep that night. I have spent many night being that nurse now, and helping my patients and families navigate these awful illnesses. I can only hope that politicians and those that shape our healthcare come to understand the nursing role and dedication to others when they make decisions about our profession.
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I am so saddened by your loss and feel your grief. As an ER nurse there has been many a time I have cried over the injustice of cancer, baby that has been abused or an untimely death. My feet and legs ache after 12.5 hours of standing on hard floors. Medicine is a gamble and throw of the dice every time praying that the drugs or care will turn the course of the illness. Let it be known we care.
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