This past week Washington State Senator, Maureen Walsh, proclaimed that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably played cards for a considerable amount of the day, ” (CNN). What she was specifically referring to, is rural hospitals with smaller number of patients/beds to take care of. What she underestimated in her ill-planned statement though is a true caregiver’s perspective.
True Love
You see, I was seven months pregnant with my first child, when my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. We were blindsided by the diagnosis, let alone the late stage, and even the detrimental words “terminal.” We live very rural, a small lake-town that thrives off of tourism in our service industry businesses. And, I have to tell you, Senator Walsh was right: those chemotherapy infusion nurses, those post-surgery, seventh floor angels, those pain-control, specialty oncology nurses, they did play cards. I watched, observed, cried, thanked, and even begged them to keep playing cards to save my husband. Let me tell you about those cards they played:
When those masked, and scrubbed-in angels pushed my husband out on his hospital bed, down the corridors, and into his new “home” for the next 10 days–they played the card of who they should take care of first–their patient or the patient’s wife. They struggled if they should take care of the man wincing and crying out in pain, or if they should take care of the seven-month swollen expecting momma that was beside herself as she hovered over his body in his bed. They played the cards of wondering what they should convince that desperate wife and expecting mother of first: should she eat and feed that small babe growing inside her, or do we tell her she needs to sleep for the first time since they checked in four days ago?
Eight Months Pregnant, in for another surgery for an infection that developed.
Those blue-scrubbed Mercy Angels played the cards of wondering if they wrap their arms around that depleted wife when she was on her hands and knees begging God to relieve the pain her husband gasped for help with–or do they hold the small nine-month old chunky baby that was in the hospital floor playing with his toys to give that devoted wife a moment to just be her husband’s best friend and saving grace.
Those chemotherapy and infusion nurses–the real heroes in our story–they juggled the most cards of all. They juggled do we take care of the expecting momma, and later the momma of a five-day old, or do we tend to our patient’s every need. Do we take food, baby toys, or any of their needs to their overnight hospital stay, or do we stay home with our own families that we need to spend time with? They juggled whether they got to cry in front of us, or escape to the backroom to relieve emotions, when the oncologist said there was nothing more we could do. When those champion card players saw that frail, bony husband of mine disoriented, unaware of everything going on around him, and a momma carrying him on one arm, and their sweet year old baby in the other out of the chemo clinic–they played the card of what emotion they got to show that day.
Our “spot” at our doctor’s appointment every other Thursday. All day infusion, meant juggling lesson plan writing, grading papers, and a sweet baby taking a nap in between me and his Daddy’s chair.
Senator Walsh, you are correct. Our rural, country, small-town nurses do play cards all day–in fact, a considerable amount of the day. Wait–no– all day and all night. They play cards when they go home, when they are supposed to be with their families, when they are supposed to take care of themselves. They are master card players, the real poker faces in this game of healthcare. They play the cards of taking care of patients, taking care of patient’s caregivers, families, dying wishes, egos, dignity, and every single basic need in between. And while they are playing those cards, they are card sharks at playing their own cards of emotions, family, vulnerability, and juggling their personal time that they devote to their patients and their families. They attend funerals, they hold that wife and that brand new baby in their arms while they weep because they are standing at the coffin of a patient they loved.
They are card sharks. Poker faces. True Vegas-style card players. Yes, Senator Walsh, my husband’s country, rural-small town nurses play cards. The very best cards there are to play. And I couldn’t be more thankful.
A Champion for Nurses,
Joe Smith’s Widow
Kristina Smith is a widow, mother, Special Education Administrator, Colorectal Cancer National Advocate, Blogger and Amazon Best-Selling Author of “What I Wasn’t Expecting, When I Was Expecting: A Grieving Widow’s Memoir”
You can purchase your personal copy of Smith’s memoir here.
Firsts Beyond the First 
I’m so sorry for you loss. Your words were powerful and your story made me cry, because being a nurse is an honor and it is stressful and also rewarding. It reminds me every day how things can change so quickly. Thank you for thinking of the nurses with all that you’ve been through. Your words are appreciated.
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This Nurse of 29 years thanks you. So deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I am hoping and praying that many others read this. God Bless you.
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Thank you to all the nurses who care, who cry, who console and offer condolences to their patients and families of their patients.
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Thank you from a nurse of 29 years and still going. I am so sorry for your loss and praying as I know it is never easy.
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God’s blessings to you and your son. So very sorry for your loss. I am a retired nurse practitioner. This year marks 43 years as an RN. I spent 19 years in neonatal ICU and the remainder as a family nurse practitioner. I cannot tell you what a privilege it was to serve my patients and their families. I always considered my professional experience to be an answer to God’s calling. I raised 3 girls alongside my husband who was also an RN. We spent many holidays apart and learned to make holiday celebrations occur on our own time when we could all be together. That’s just one of the sacrifices that comes with the territory. My children understood that we were serving others who were more vulnerable and weak and needed our expertise. I would not have changed a thing. I consider it an honor to have played the card of nursing in the game of life.
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This is the most eloquent and heartfelt commentary I have seen on the inane “card-playing” comment. It really puts things in perspective. Thank you.
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God bless you and thank you from me for spreading the word about the so very important roll we nurses play no matter where we work.
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Through tears, I read your story. While my heart broke , envisioning you and what you were enduring….my spirit soared, hearing about your wonderful angels of mercy . As a nurse of many years, I wonder if I’ve ever really made a difference. I’m sure I did now. And I am SO glad that your husbands nurses did too….prayers to you and your children, for God’s peace and strength in all the difficult days ahead…❤️✝️❤️✝️
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so very very sorry for your loss…praying for God’s comfort and strength for you and all who loved Joe! OB nurse 26 years
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First I want to say is I’m sorry
for the loss of your husband at such an early age.
Second is that I may not be a RN, but I do see and hear a lot of what they do and go through. They ARE there when people do need them the most (I’m an aide by the way), but all of the RNs that I know were there when I needed them the most when I lost my son at 18 years of age due to muscular dystrophy.
So Ms Walsh better go to a hospital that is extremely busy all the time and pay attention to what she has NO CLUE goes on there and she will have to eat crow when she sees what goes on.
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Diane, You did not read this story correctly. She is giving the nurses ALL the credit, ALL the love, ALL the honor and ALL her love for the care they gave her and her husband and chile. She does “have a clue” and does not have to “eat crow”.
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diane did read the article correctly. she acknowledges first ms smith’s loss and agrees with her observations.
then, she upbraids ms walsh (that is, senator walsh) for her tone deaf comments. everyone needs to read carefully and thoroughly.
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Kindly read Diane’s comment.. she is not referring to the author but to the ignorant Walsh herself. Thanks.
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You are reading her post wrong. She is addressing Ms. Walsh, not the widow who wrote the article. You owe an apology.
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It appears you’ve misread – “Ms Walsh” isn’t the author of the article, she’s the idiot senator that suggested nurses don’t do much all day.
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Lorrie – I think you may not be reading Diane’s comment correctly. In her last sentence, her reference to “no clue” is referring to Ms Walsh, the clueless (my word) state senator from Washington. She is not referring to the writer of this piece, Kristina Smith.
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I believe Diane was referring to Legislator Walsh and certainly not the author!
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Dianne understands the story correctly she says Ms. Walsh but means Senator Walsh will eat crow. Read her comment thoroughly.
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Dianne was referring to the senator who commented about card playing nurses when she said “she will have to eat crow”, not referring to mrs. Smith, the author of the article.
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Lorrie, I don’t think your reading Diane’s remark correctly, she was talking about Senator Walsh, not Mrs. Smith’s story.
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I think Diane was referring to the uneducated idiot that made that comment. Not to the widow who lost her beloved husband
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Lorie reread her comment. She’s not saying the author doesn’t have a clue and will eat crow… She’s saying the arrogant and ingnorent senator will eat it and clearly has no freaking clue how much these nurses actually do.
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Lorrie, you might want to read Diane’s post again. She it telling Ms. Walsh this, not the writer of the story. Ms. Walsh is the Senator who made the stupid comment about nurses playing cards. Kristina Smith wrote the story.
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Lorrie~ Diane is not talking about the author and precious wife and mother in this article. She is actually talking about Senator Walsh that made the comment about nurses playing cards. She in no way is making any negative remarks at all about the author of this article. She is giving all nurses the respect they so very well deserve~
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Lorrie: Diane IS giving the nurses all the credit. The person that Diane said would have to eat crow, was Senator Walsh, who made the thoughtless comment about rural hospitals and nurses sitting around playing cards!
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Lorrie
I don’t understand your response. From my reading, Diane clearly said that it is Senator Walsh who had “better go to a hospital that is extremely busy all the time and pay attention to what she has NO CLUE goes on there and she will have to eat crow when she sees what goes on.”
Diane is not referring to the author of the blog (Kristina Smith), and is not saying that Mrs. Smith needs to “eat crow.” I don’t know Diane at all, but from my reading, it seems clear that Diane understands the important role of nurses based on her own experience with her son.
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Lorrie, please re-read her post. Diane is referring to SENATOR WALSH going to a hospital that is extremely busy, and having to “eat crow” for her comments. I’ve read that the poor Senator was “tired” when she made those remarks. I daresay, she’s never been as tired as the majority of nurses (including me) after working our shifts.
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I am a card playing nurse ,I stand accused of being a “poker Face “ I am proud of my profession ,proud of the nurses I share this profession with ,proud that we are the heart of all hospitals .
I feel sorry for anyone ,senator or ortherwise who has to stoop to undermining this beautiful profession .We give so much and we receive so much from our patients .Shout it out that nurses ,first responders ,are humble and full of gratitude in their service to mankind .
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Thank you, from a hard working ICU nurse. Love the poker face analogy, we do have to wear that when we get home. We miss ball games, holidays…
Thank you!
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So very sorry for your loss—so very glad you had the kindness and expertise of your nurses. I have been a nurse for 60 years. I would not trade one of them. Your words remind us of why we become “Nurses”. To be able to help another human is an honor.
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In the midst of your own loss and grief… you rose to support us, the nurses who cried in private and gave our all for our precious patients and families! (Even those that thought we were “just playing cards.”)
What a wonderful human being you are!
Thank you from the bottom of my tired war-torn old nurses heart! YOU are why nurses keep on keeping on!
Ms. Walsh has so much to learn. I hope she starts HERE!
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God bless all of you ! I’ve been a CNA since 2005- and I’ve met a lot of awesome nurses and I’ve never seen them play cards other then the ones where they have to decide what to do and how to Hold their emotions in . I still cry every time someone passes ! I know they’re in a better place but I get close to them and they are my family . Nurses are usually pretty smart and empathetic . I feel like she will never live this down no matter how many shifts she shadows.
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May God bless you and your son. As a nurse who feels deeply for those in my care, I was appalled by the senator’s comment! Your blog was a perfectly beautiful explanation of the “card playing” I see in nursing. My hope is that senator reads your blog so she better understands the “card playing” nurses do every day
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My husband has ad 4 strokes, open heart surgery, two CHF, multiple falls, multi-passing(?) out (they have never put a name to it, possible instant sleep (on a CPAP), seizures, confusion, diabetic, severe balance issues, and the list goes on. I have never had a problem with the nurses. I always stay with my husband because he gets scared if I am not there because he does understand or remember what is going on.
The only problem I ever had as with one doctor. She was discharging him and said she was setting him up for physical therapy. I asked, “Can I ask what results are you looking for with PT”? She went stupid. She told me to wait just a minute until she could get a “witness” because I had an attitude last night in ER. I NEVER have seen the woman before. A nurse came into the room as a witness. After the doctor left and did not answer my question, the nurse told me not to pay any attention to her she was always like that. I filed a comment on the doctor and the nurse backed me up.
Since 2009 we have had all good nurses. I can not count the number of nurses we have come into contact with. Yes, they also looked after me too while taking care of my husband, we are in our early 70s.
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Im in tears. Sorry for your loss. But your words are so perfect. My sister is a nurse. And the things nurses deal with sometimes haunt them for life. Poker Faces are the only way they get through the day.
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This nurse of 30 years appreciates your your understanding of the nursing process. May God bless you and comfort you in his loving arms.
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My sister is a retired Nurse, and I watched her thru the joy of nursing and of sharing the pain with her patients!! The hours she worked mentally and physically were unbelievable. May the good Lord bless and continue to bless the nurses that serve us all!!!
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First, God Bless you and keep you in your time of loss and grief. Second, this nurse of only 2 years still wonders sometimes why I picked this profession and why I keep doing it. Your story is why. It’s the patients and the families of those patients and the difference I hope I make in their lives is why. This story reminded of me of that on a day where I was having those doubts. Thank you for sharing it.
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God bless you. From a disabled nurse who now hopes the cards go her way, you wrote a beautiful love letter to us who take our patients home with us everyday. I pray you will heal and be able to have memories that fill your heart. Love Nancy
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I would love to speak with you as my husband has stage 4 colorectal cancer.
Tara
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I hope that Senator never needs my expertise but I think Karma may play a bigger role in her life!!!!!!!!! Joe Smith’s widow truly understands the roles of nurse’s. It’s a shame the government doesn’t.
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Thank you Kristina for being a voice for the nurses….Thank you for sticking up for us while your whole world was falling apart ….I am so very sorry for your loss …may God shine his light power and love on you and your baby ….
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
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Thank you for your wonderful, encouraging words for all medical staff. I think you are very brave woman who has endured a horrible experience and still managed to find a way to incorporate the medical staffs juggling of their decisions of what to do first, and their emotional struggles they deal with, not only during your husbands cancer journey, but others like him. I am a nurse, and there have been times the deck I was dealt was just overwhelming. We are trained to handle certain things in a chronological order,and others through critical thinking. The emotional aspect of our profession is , shall I say at times, a bonus. Tears of joy when you see and hear a new born babies cry for the first time, or your elderly patient with a fractured hip, up and walking in the halls, and those tears of sorrow when all that we do is not enough to save our patient. I am also a two time cancer survivor. I survived breast cancer and was 5 years out only to find out I had stage IV colon cancer that metastasized to my liver. It was a long and very emotional time for me and my family. I must tell you that the nurses from the oncology unit are the best in the world. I believe in my heart that God dealt them a very special hand of cards. They were always there when I had my meltdowns. Holding my hand, crying with me, and giving loving and caring encouraging words. They not only did this for me, but for my husband as well. Nurses are true Aces in my book, not because I am a nurse, but because I was a patient a have first hand knowledge of the hand they have been dealt and how professional they are at juggling that hand for better outcomes for the patients. All my prayers for you and your family.
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This is such a true reality
God bless all nurses
Nice response to an uncaring Senator
My tears are still flowing
Thank you
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Thank you so much for that heartfelt message it brought back so many memories of my long and proud career I’m so glad that this profession chose me
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I am also a card playing nurse of 22 years. Your letter brought tears to my eyes because you are so spot on. I have also been accused of having a “poker” or “game” face. I have learned that I must. The emotions that are carried inside are far too great to be shown on the outside to someone who is already suffering so much. We are to be your support, you are not to be ours. There have been many times I have had to go to my car after work and hope that someone did not see me crying. My children and husband ask at dinner how my day was and I’m tempted to let it all out, but usually I just tell them “oh, it was ok”. Nobody needs to know all of those things. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost a close friend to colon cancer at the age of 32. It was a huge blindside and he is missed to this day, 11 years later. My prayers to you and your sweet baby. God bless you.
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Thank you for the reminder that we are not only caring for the patient but the families as well. Also of how our job is not just physical but emotional as well. Thank you for realizing how much we sacrifice. I also want to thank all who support & sacrifice the family members who are nurses.
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I have seen every nurse on the floor my daughter was on for major back surgery, run to get between a mother and a girl friend. The young man they were there for had been in an accident and the family was just waiting for him to pass when a fight broke out. These men and women (nurses) ran to get between the two women until security could get there while running to close doors of other patients rooms (all the time trying to calmly talk to and reason with the fighting women). When it was all said and done they came into every room to check the patients and their family members to see if everyone was alright and to apologize for something they had no control over. They are an amazing group of people! I think we witnessed many cards being played along with a lot of balls being juggled that night.
God Bless you and your family!
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This Senator has no idea of what goes on in the nursing profession much less the real world- it is why we are in the mess we are in. TIME TO RETIRE SENATOR!
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I agree Ruth! This only puts more light on a thankless job. A thankless job by our managers and CEO’s of hospitals here in SW Florida. We are giving of our time, away from our families, we struggle with the pain of others and rejoice in the small rewards of good outcomes for our patients. We are treated like second class citizen’s on the job at times by peers and managers alike. I always say, no man would put up with this treatment on their job, they would walk and get paid more in another position. We as female nurses worry about finding another job in the same sector that doesn’t come with a decrease in pay. Shame on one woman with a public voice devaluing the hard work of so many! I go without breaks, and struggle to get a full 1/2 hr. for lunch on any given work day. Most nurses don’t get breaks and some barely get a lunch break. At a time when first responders, fireman and policemen are commended for their service in the public eye, nurses barely get any recognition for their love, support, pain management, and advocating skills on behalf of their patients and their families. We deserve equal respect!
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I am a nurse who suddenly lost a husband, leaving 2 young sons in 2006. I had no relatives nearby but very lucky to have a couple with 3 young children as well who took my sons at night while I worked. God is faithful and will get you through. God gave me 2 young men whom I can be proud of now. Keep your head high and a vision to look forward. God Bless you and your little one.
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Excuses I’m a post op nurse I nev have time to play cards
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The “cards” in the article are the poker face, the game face, the choosing which patient is the priority at which moment – as we all play what we are dealt. Nurses are masters of balancing all these odds.
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As a nurse of 25 years, having worked in all areas, I have learned to sometimes I can turn off my poker face. Instead I cry and hug my patient and/or their families. Sadly, I cannot afford to do that all of the time. This occupation is tough, and I have to be tough, otherwise I don’t think I would survive.
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Thanks to all of you for your comments. I have worked in the medical field for 48 years. I became a nurse in 1995. I give my whole heart to nursing. I love to meet new people and I love to give a helping hand. I have sat with patients who are fighting a disease , worried about their family and financial obligations and just listened. I have worked with patients of all ages- playing with toys with children, yes card games with teens, and sang songs and danced with others. I treat them as if they were my family. I have worked many different shifts and all holidays while my own family was growing. I missed soccer games, sports event, holiday parties but that was ok as my children knew my patients needed me and they didn’t mind sharing. I am very proud to be a nurse and many times I’m too busy for breaks but my patient is being cared for. I work with a great group of medical people. The strength, knowledge,and caring of these people goes above just doing. People need to stop and think before you say harsh things about nurses. Someday you may need one to just sit, listen, or play cards. I’m retired now but return to my job 3-4 times a month. Thank you.
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This oncology RN for 12 years, feels deep sympathy for the loss of
Your husband, but amazing gratitude for your kind words.
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God bless all of you! Unfortunately, senator Walsh & other like minded representatives base decisions about policies without filling understanding the impact! Hopefully, this has been a wake up call for each & everyone of them. Nurses are the best card sharks ever!!!
Holding the hand of a patient struggling to take the last breath, or allowing a family to vent while struggling to comprehend nothing else can be done for a patient takes a special person…a nurse.
My challenge to senator Walsh is to volunteer for a 12 hour shift in both a rural & urban critical care setting. Shadow that nurse when she meets wit the family to give them the devastating news about their loved one.
Do the A-Z then make a policy about healthcare that truly matters!
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Thank you for sharing your testimony. I have been a nurse ,family member and patient at different times in my life. I am sorry for your and your child’s loss. I am also grateful that nurses were able to comfort you through this most difficult time.
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Thank you Mrs.K. Smith. Here is from a nurse to you. I am sorry for your loss and I pray for God’s comfort for you and family.Thank you for sharing your heart and experience . The moment we put on the blue or any color nurse uniform, we forget about ourselves and focus on why are there. Our patients and families become our priority.Being a nurse for 40 years, I will never trade it for another profession . This is my calling and I will continue until I can do it no more.You have inspired me to continue what I am doing and never look back. Thank you Kristy. I am a very proud Nurse!
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Maureen Walsh, I don’t know who the uninfomred people were to actually elected you., but I hope they hang their heads in shame. I would say you need to do the same but I firmly believe that you’re to ignoran to even know how stupid you really are. I am not an RN but I have been a Nursing Assistant and have had nurses help me change the bedding for a person who had an “accident” – it’s not their job, had a nurse help me clean up a bed when someone got sick – not their job, gave me a break when I worked a 12 hour shift because we were short staffed during the flu season, when I came back some of my beds were already dealt with, I have stood next to a nurse as we watched a patient get their angel wings and we cried with the family, and I watched a nurse hold the hands of dying patients who had NO family to be there. And, the list of kindness and dedication goes on. Shame on you for sharing your ignorance and belittling a dedicated profession. I hope you don’t get re-elected because you don’t have a clue.
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I am a former nurse of 20 yrs, I played cards everyday, scariest thing I ever did having to make choices with peoples lives and keeping a composed poker face while doing it. Wouldn’t trade my time at that table for anything in the world. While it was stressful and exhausting work some days, it was also the most rewarding thing I ever did. I pity any one, Senator or politician or anyone else who doesn’t appreciate nurses who play cards, some day these same critics will be dealt their own hand, I hope they have a nurse then who plays their heart cards, even when they are dealing with jokers.
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You are an amazing mother, wife, advocate and educator. Thank you for having the heart and strength to share your experience. I know you are an inspiration to many many people.
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Thank you for this! The words you chose to describe your experience and perception of nurses are amazing. Well written!
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Kristen- my heart aches for you and the struggles you and your husband endured. Thank you for the beautiful story you have shared. Most of all thank you for understanding that nursing at all levels is not a true game of cards and that we do shuffle our decks constantly. As a nurse (LPN) since I was 19 and a BSN since I was 23, I have taken care of many patients and their families in my 40 years of nursing. You are truly an amazing woman. Love and prayers for you.
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As a nurse we do play cards every day. We know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run!! I am sending my sympathy on the loss of your husband.
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sorry for your loss… but wow thankyou for your encouraging words😇😇… proud nurse here!!🙌🏻🙌🏻
from the philippines
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The NURSE are truly there for the SICK & DYING so STOP saying all they do is play card’s most of the day they do but with some of the people who are SICK or very ILL in there that can still play card’s & do it with them so they can get their mind off what is going on with them. SO MAY GOD BLESS THEM ALL FOR THIS!
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I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your support, 33 year Labor and delivery RN
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I am a card playing nurse of almost 50 years. This is a lovely tribute to nurses everywhere. I have had the great privelege to work as an OB nurse and witness the amazing beginning of precious life, and sometimes horrible heartbreaking endings as well. Then saw and helped with the fledgling start of a hospice program in a rural Kansas community. Thank you Senator Dole (R) Ks for the introduction of hospice payment through Medicare. We played many cards as we wove our ways with the patients, families and physicians as we faced good and bad news all the while doing what was needed for all.
But let’s not forget cards are not only played in life and death situations but as a nurse dealing with all the varied issues in our health care system, while having compassion, caring, and understanding in daily care of patients. Nursing is a hard profession and one you must embrace if you are to be any good at it. We are certainly not saints but give of ourselves daily in a miriade of ways. Senator Walsh and others need to stop and really see what nurses give everyday in their care of others. Our nurses are often very underpaid and certainly overworked but we still can’t help ourselves and keep on “playing cards.”
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God bless you and your family. What a statement you made, even in your grief. I am now retired from 40 years of critical care and appreciate you so much. Also a widow. Hugs to you and your child. CK
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From one widow to another, I am sorry for your loss. I’m also an RN, a mother of four girls. One with special needs and one with diabetes. They are all grown now and I am retired but in those early years I was dealt hands I didn’t know how to play. I was happy I had the experience of having a special needs daughter so when I had a patient who just had a baby with a “syndrome” I was able to sit with her and share my experience. I was able to nurse my husband for the last 6 months of his life. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and making my day and bringing back many fond memories of the hands I’ve been dealt, for through that all I’ve been blessed.
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I am so sorry for your loss. As a nurse, recently retired, I appreciate your accolades so much. No one knows how much we give and how much we care for the family as well as the patient. Perhaps that woman was rude and distant to staff. In those cases some of us don’t push the relationship and just do the required. Why stay and give where it doesn’t seem to be wanted. Over the years I still see family members who remember me. We do become close to families. We know many before they have or they become a patient. No need to repeat your blog but it so wonderful to hear appreciation. Many time we feel forgotten. The nurses are with the patient much more than the doctor. We provide the information that guides the doctor: Symptoms, med reactions, etc.
Thank you
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