This past week Washington State Senator, Maureen Walsh, proclaimed that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably played cards for a considerable amount of the day, ” (CNN). What she was specifically referring to, is rural hospitals with smaller number of patients/beds to take care of. What she underestimated in her ill-planned statement though is a true caregiver’s perspective.
True Love
You see, I was seven months pregnant with my first child, when my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. We were blindsided by the diagnosis, let alone the late stage, and even the detrimental words “terminal.” We live very rural, a small lake-town that thrives off of tourism in our service industry businesses. And, I have to tell you, Senator Walsh was right: those chemotherapy infusion nurses, those post-surgery, seventh floor angels, those pain-control, specialty oncology nurses, they did play cards. I watched, observed, cried, thanked, and even begged them to keep playing cards to save my husband. Let me tell you about those cards they played:
When those masked, and scrubbed-in angels pushed my husband out on his hospital bed, down the corridors, and into his new “home” for the next 10 days–they played the card of who they should take care of first–their patient or the patient’s wife. They struggled if they should take care of the man wincing and crying out in pain, or if they should take care of the seven-month swollen expecting momma that was beside herself as she hovered over his body in his bed. They played the cards of wondering what they should convince that desperate wife and expecting mother of first: should she eat and feed that small babe growing inside her, or do we tell her she needs to sleep for the first time since they checked in four days ago?
Eight Months Pregnant, in for another surgery for an infection that developed.
Those blue-scrubbed Mercy Angels played the cards of wondering if they wrap their arms around that depleted wife when she was on her hands and knees begging God to relieve the pain her husband gasped for help with–or do they hold the small nine-month old chunky baby that was in the hospital floor playing with his toys to give that devoted wife a moment to just be her husband’s best friend and saving grace.
Those chemotherapy and infusion nurses–the real heroes in our story–they juggled the most cards of all. They juggled do we take care of the expecting momma, and later the momma of a five-day old, or do we tend to our patient’s every need. Do we take food, baby toys, or any of their needs to their overnight hospital stay, or do we stay home with our own families that we need to spend time with? They juggled whether they got to cry in front of us, or escape to the backroom to relieve emotions, when the oncologist said there was nothing more we could do. When those champion card players saw that frail, bony husband of mine disoriented, unaware of everything going on around him, and a momma carrying him on one arm, and their sweet year old baby in the other out of the chemo clinic–they played the card of what emotion they got to show that day.
Our “spot” at our doctor’s appointment every other Thursday. All day infusion, meant juggling lesson plan writing, grading papers, and a sweet baby taking a nap in between me and his Daddy’s chair.
Senator Walsh, you are correct. Our rural, country, small-town nurses do play cards all day–in fact, a considerable amount of the day. Wait–no– all day and all night. They play cards when they go home, when they are supposed to be with their families, when they are supposed to take care of themselves. They are master card players, the real poker faces in this game of healthcare. They play the cards of taking care of patients, taking care of patient’s caregivers, families, dying wishes, egos, dignity, and every single basic need in between. And while they are playing those cards, they are card sharks at playing their own cards of emotions, family, vulnerability, and juggling their personal time that they devote to their patients and their families. They attend funerals, they hold that wife and that brand new baby in their arms while they weep because they are standing at the coffin of a patient they loved.
They are card sharks. Poker faces. True Vegas-style card players. Yes, Senator Walsh, my husband’s country, rural-small town nurses play cards. The very best cards there are to play. And I couldn’t be more thankful.
A Champion for Nurses,
Joe Smith’s Widow
Kristina Smith is a widow, mother, Special Education Administrator, Colorectal Cancer National Advocate, Blogger and Amazon Best-Selling Author of “What I Wasn’t Expecting, When I Was Expecting: A Grieving Widow’s Memoir”
You can purchase your personal copy of Smith’s memoir here.
Firsts Beyond the First 
Thank you for sharing your story. I work in a small rural hospital as well. I am on the paperwork side but I have seen our nurses go between taking care of a baby then an elderly dementia patient and then to a patient like your husband who is in the last stages of passing. The Senator has never had to be in a hospital and maybe she needs an overnight stay to see how wrong she was.
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This nurse thanks you and prays for your healing.
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I spent 4 months being treated in our local chemo lab 13 years ago. Oncology nurses wonderful, it’s a calling. Was a RN for 22 years, my “white cap” is off to them all
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So sorry for your loss. My God bless you and your family. I am retired nurse of 30 years. And never had time to play cards. She should be made work an 12 hour shift. Then let her what a nurse is made of.
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Thank you! This is very touching and true. I hope you find comfort. I’ve been a nurse for 12 years now. Thank you for noticing.
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So very sorry for the loss of your husband. May your memories provide comfort!
As a nurse, I thank you for your beautiful words about the nurses who cared for your husband!
God Bless you and your family!
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Thank you…❤
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I am married to a nurse and work with them all day long. The people don’t even have time to go pee let alone play games. Senator Walsh you have no idea of the impact of you misguided words. You should hope to never need the care of of one of the caregiving, selfless people.
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Thank you. I have been a nurse for 40 years and recently retired. I can accurately say that I never once played cards at work! The physical and emotional toll that nursing takes on us goes unnoticed until we quit doing it. Yes I missed many of my family events and holidays but that is not what I remember most. What I remember most are the patients and families and the times when I know I made a difference. I too am a widow that was blindsided by my husband’s diagnosis of a glioblastoma. My kids and I have survived but our priorities have changed and we embrace every moment. God bless you and watch over you and your family and thank you again for supporting nurses.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother who was 68 years old to this insidious disease. I am a Emergency Room nurse and truly appreciate your very touching story ❤️Godspeed
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I am a hospice nurse I have had so many times when my family was waiting at a resteraunt. Waiting in a car to go on a trip. Late for a game or party but at the end of the day I’m glad I took the time to shave the man who was always clean shaven so his wife could nuzzle next to him and kiss his cheek like she always did after 60 years of marriage when he took his last breathe. I have got in many fights with my husband saying I can’t change who I am I’m sorry I’m late could not let that patient pass being souled or their teeth not clean or in pain I will take the time because I hope someone will do it for me in my time of need
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Wow, so well said. Addresses all kinds of nursing. We go into the profession to help them live, but that is not always how the story ends.
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Nice retort. True. My heart breaks for you, and I, an RN, pray for your peace and your healing.
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Kristina,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for taking the time to share your heartfelt story. I am a Nurse if 31 years and truly believe nursing is a calling. I believe nurses are God’s hands on earth. I want my patients and their families to feel His love at all times. I have watched Senator Walsh’s statement more than once and it was not only what she said but how she said it. She referred to “card playing” very easily not realizing that if this was a true statement it meant that thousand of nurses were practicing neglect instead of healing.
I can not understand why Senator Walsh has not issued a public apology. If this is how she truly believes than she must fear ever being in the hospital with having nurses who would put cards over her care.
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God bless you, your sweet husband & baby!
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Thank you for your kind words and story. I too, am an RN and appreciate you standing up for my wonderful profession that I will always be proud to be a part of no matter what! My deepest heartfelt sympathies to you. I pray God brings you and your family peace! ❤
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Just let her deal with constant changes in mandated regulations for charting in changing computer programs as a Home Health Nurse. To try to care for 5 New patients and their families in a mandated 8 hrs??!! No idea how hard to be alone with no break or lunch or dinner than be “ reminded “ overtime is not acceptable. She Epitomizes the level of ignorance for our whole Nation of What We Do. Special unit??? No Nurses joining Profession. God Help us all.
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So very sorry for your loss. This nurse and numerous others thank you ❤. Praying for your pain to subside and healing be yours.
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This nurse of 24 years thank you!!! for showing the life of a nurse!
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Well said!
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What a tribute to those nurses and their card playing skills. We all as nurses have played those or similar cards. Bless this lady for her well written testimony and advocacy for our profession. We do grieve with our patients and take a part of them home with us. We hold the grieving spouse or child and provide comfort in their darkest hours. We care for the families, not just the patient. We treat them holistically because they matter, they too need us. So Senator Walsh I can say I am very proud to have played my share of cards in my career and I am glad to have my card playing brothers and sisters playing along wherever they are.
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Kristina, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. Your son will give you strength, hope, love, and a lifetime of joy. Your husband could not have given you a greater gift in his short life. I am sure he is watching over the two of you from heaven.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring stories like yours that keep us nurses doing what we do. We are hardly the only profession that work hard. We do however, see heartache and suffering on a daily basis. It is hard to make sense of things we see, things like a young man like your husband dying way too young. Stay strong Kristina. Give that little boy lots of love.
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What a wonderful tribute! I am also the widow of a cancer patient… as well as an oncology RN. After my husband’s death, I went back to college at age 41 to get my nursing degree. My goal was to become one of those special nurses that I witnessed taking such good care of my husband. God bless the “card players”!
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This was a beautiful post! Thank you for writing it. I am truly sorry for your loss! I am the mother of a nurse and I can tell you my daughter has never played cards in all her yrs of nursing! In fact she missed many holidays with her son in order to take care of her patients! She missed activities at her sons school to take care of her patients, and missed many nights being able to tuck her son in at night! She has stayed beyond the end of her shift many many times, so many I can’t count! I’m so proud of my daughter for the loving, caring and passionate nurse she is! She treats her patients as if they her family members! Nurses everywhere….I take my 🎩 off to you❤️ Maureen Walsh I challenge you to follow my daughter for 1 shift!!!
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking such a story of shock and loss and standing up for the nurses that shared your new baby’s first days and your husband’s last. I’m so thankful that they were there to help you through those many days and nights.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to care for my patients and appreciate the kind words our team receives while caring for them.
I/we don’t do it for recognition. It’s all about genuinely wanting to stop the hurting, caring that we can ease the worry and doing for those unable to do for themselves.
Bless you and your family and thank you so very much for your kind words.
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You are so inspiring. Such a great writer too. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that and for the loss of your husband. You are so strong having dealt with Everything that was thrown your way at once. Just ordered your book on Amazon, can’t wait to read! ☺️
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So sorry for your loss, thank you for this beautiful testament. As a rural nurse I am grateful to provide care to our community
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I am so sorry for your heartache and loss. I too am a Nurse who doesn’t play with cards hence plays the cards of life with my patients, families, friends, co workers and oh thats right MY family. God bless you and your beautiful family.
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I was privilege to nurse for 34 yrs. This article is soooo wonderful. A Dr. Looked at me one time troubled……
He said how am I going to tell this 32 y/o women with 3 small kids. Her cancer is inoperable and there’s nothing we can do. Hardest part of my job.
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As an oncologist, it is the nurses who do the heavy lifting. God bless them!
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Instead of getting mad and upset about this woman’s comment I choose to feel sorry for those that elected her! She played them. Her complete incompetent ignorance has come shining through like a beacon !!!
Amy
18 yr RN
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Excellent article, I’ve never witnessed a nurse having time to play cards.
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Beautiful! You could have almost written my own story – 39 years ago. My husband was 29, I was 27, and our only child was 4 months old. I, too, was a teacher. His cancer was esophageal. At that time they had never had a case in a man under 50 years old. Thanks be to the nursing staff who were so helpful.
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God bless you for you lovely and really personal reflections. Reinforces the pride in my life as a Nurse for over 50 years.
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beautifully and eloquently put! I am so sorry for the loss of your husband but so thankful you were able to write this about your rural town nurses! What a Beautiful person, in probably the most terrifying time of your life! Bless you and your family!
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Thank you so much for knowing! I was a nurse in a rural emergency room for 22 years. Took care of family and friends, and those that weren’t quickly became. So sorry for your loss.
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Oh my !! What a beautiful testimonial and tribute to rural nurses and health care. Sorry for your loss and God bless!!
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May Our Heavenly Father Bless and give all nurses the ability to give courageous and loving care to their patients. Prayers for this family. May you find peace and happiness with fond memories of your loved one. Families are forever.
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Beautifully said. ❤
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Thank you for the wonderful simplicity of the very real juggernaut of a nurse’s life!! May God bless you and that beautiful young man and continue your journey through healing.
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Read this through tears…thank you for your kind words to support nurses. I’m so sorry for your loss!
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Class & Facts all wrapped up with a Big Bow!! Perfection written beautifully…🙏💙😢
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Thank you!
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I pray for you and your sweet baby.
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Inspirational ….Thank you
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Thank you ❤️
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Youre so brave. I send you my love and prayers for what youve gone through and still endure. Thank you for your honesty and telling your story. Signed, a Nurse
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Well said sweet lady! So sorry for the loss of your husband.
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I myself lost my husband to stage 4 colorectal cancer. We had a 2 yr old and 14 yr old. Until you live at hospitals for weeks at a time and see what these nurses go through you have no idea what a special person it takes to be in the medical field. Our now 23 yr old is in her last year of nursing school and it’s because she seen the love and passion these nurses had for our family and they inspired her.
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Been there done that and could not have said it better!
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Very VERY difficult to read. As one who has played too many games of cards to count, the knife twists with your words. So very true. Your insight is invaluable. Thank you. So. Very. Much. ❤ may your husband rest in peace and your baby boy remind you every day that hes half of you and half of him xoxox. I’m sure you hold him so very tight. Prayers for you.
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Having lost first a sister, then my father, and then my mother to various cancers, I’ve done some time in hospital rooms, and I never would accuse the nurses or the techs or really anyone in the position of caring for the patients of sitting around idly wasting time. If anything, they are oftentimes thanklessly overworked. I appreciate all of them for doing the job that many of us just could not do.
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Thank you from this nurse ! I was in shock at what she said. I am so sorry for your loss. May God grant you peace and grace in all your coming days. God Bless You!
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Bless you and your child. So sorry for your loss. As a nurse, I am very proud and glad that you were surrounded by wonderful, helpful nurses during this challenging and sad time. Prayers to you.
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