This past week Washington State Senator, Maureen Walsh, proclaimed that nurses in smaller hospitals “probably played cards for a considerable amount of the day, ” (CNN). What she was specifically referring to, is rural hospitals with smaller number of patients/beds to take care of. What she underestimated in her ill-planned statement though is a true caregiver’s perspective.
True Love
You see, I was seven months pregnant with my first child, when my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. We were blindsided by the diagnosis, let alone the late stage, and even the detrimental words “terminal.” We live very rural, a small lake-town that thrives off of tourism in our service industry businesses. And, I have to tell you, Senator Walsh was right: those chemotherapy infusion nurses, those post-surgery, seventh floor angels, those pain-control, specialty oncology nurses, they did play cards. I watched, observed, cried, thanked, and even begged them to keep playing cards to save my husband. Let me tell you about those cards they played:
When those masked, and scrubbed-in angels pushed my husband out on his hospital bed, down the corridors, and into his new “home” for the next 10 days–they played the card of who they should take care of first–their patient or the patient’s wife. They struggled if they should take care of the man wincing and crying out in pain, or if they should take care of the seven-month swollen expecting momma that was beside herself as she hovered over his body in his bed. They played the cards of wondering what they should convince that desperate wife and expecting mother of first: should she eat and feed that small babe growing inside her, or do we tell her she needs to sleep for the first time since they checked in four days ago?
Eight Months Pregnant, in for another surgery for an infection that developed.
Those blue-scrubbed Mercy Angels played the cards of wondering if they wrap their arms around that depleted wife when she was on her hands and knees begging God to relieve the pain her husband gasped for help with–or do they hold the small nine-month old chunky baby that was in the hospital floor playing with his toys to give that devoted wife a moment to just be her husband’s best friend and saving grace.
Those chemotherapy and infusion nurses–the real heroes in our story–they juggled the most cards of all. They juggled do we take care of the expecting momma, and later the momma of a five-day old, or do we tend to our patient’s every need. Do we take food, baby toys, or any of their needs to their overnight hospital stay, or do we stay home with our own families that we need to spend time with? They juggled whether they got to cry in front of us, or escape to the backroom to relieve emotions, when the oncologist said there was nothing more we could do. When those champion card players saw that frail, bony husband of mine disoriented, unaware of everything going on around him, and a momma carrying him on one arm, and their sweet year old baby in the other out of the chemo clinic–they played the card of what emotion they got to show that day.
Our “spot” at our doctor’s appointment every other Thursday. All day infusion, meant juggling lesson plan writing, grading papers, and a sweet baby taking a nap in between me and his Daddy’s chair.
Senator Walsh, you are correct. Our rural, country, small-town nurses do play cards all day–in fact, a considerable amount of the day. Wait–no– all day and all night. They play cards when they go home, when they are supposed to be with their families, when they are supposed to take care of themselves. They are master card players, the real poker faces in this game of healthcare. They play the cards of taking care of patients, taking care of patient’s caregivers, families, dying wishes, egos, dignity, and every single basic need in between. And while they are playing those cards, they are card sharks at playing their own cards of emotions, family, vulnerability, and juggling their personal time that they devote to their patients and their families. They attend funerals, they hold that wife and that brand new baby in their arms while they weep because they are standing at the coffin of a patient they loved.
They are card sharks. Poker faces. True Vegas-style card players. Yes, Senator Walsh, my husband’s country, rural-small town nurses play cards. The very best cards there are to play. And I couldn’t be more thankful.
A Champion for Nurses,
Joe Smith’s Widow
Kristina Smith is a widow, mother, Special Education Administrator, Colorectal Cancer National Advocate, Blogger and Amazon Best-Selling Author of “What I Wasn’t Expecting, When I Was Expecting: A Grieving Widow’s Memoir”
You can purchase your personal copy of Smith’s memoir here.
Firsts Beyond the First 
Kristina, I would like to commend you on sharing your journey and for speaking up for those who stand watch/serve during such times. I cannot fathom anyone making such a silly statement as you referenced in your post as a quote, UNLESS they have never stood sentinel/watch in the middle of the night OR provided care for a loved one walking their journey. Good for you for highlighting how careless, such silly, generalized statements are, and, my experience says, such statements are only made by those who haven’t walked the path – and so, in the end – what would they know? But thank you, for saying out loud – for only through such sharing does a world past marketing/politics, etc., really happen – such posts as this are what truly changes the perceptions of the world we live in, instead of leaving it to ad campaigns. – Kudos on your courage, faith and strength. Empathy and big hugs for your losses, your grief and your loss.
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So sorry for your loss.
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Thanks for sharing, I am a nursing supervisor in a small rural hospital. Well said Kristina and I am sorry for your loss!
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thank you so much for this beautiful essay on nurses. Maybe I am of of the lucky ones who has always had great experiences with nurses. Certainly there is always a bad apple amongst the bag – its the same in any profession, mine included. I don’t know if it is true – I feel that how I was with nurses made a difference. My husband had the same condition although much older than your beloved. What I don’t understand is why this Senator made it a political issue. We had Hospice in our home. Those Hospice nurses are earth angels, all times of the day and night. I will always be grateful and send blessings to you and your little one.
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Thank you I have been a nurse over 25 years it is a hard job but it is my purpose to care for people. Somedays are better but others but have never had time to play cards. Any spare time is used is developing a good care plan for the patient which includes s thefamily and good giving comfort
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Thank you for speaking up for nurses. I am very sorry for your loss. God Bless you and your family.
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Very well spoken, thank you! From a nurse, and also a widow, I am sorry for your incredible loss!
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Thank you so much for standing up for nurses! I’ve worked in large hospitals and rural hospitals never saw a deck of cards in either one! I’m so sorry for your loss God Bless you and your family!
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Very well said. I have been a nurse for 45 years. Now retired!! It made me very angry to read comments about nurses playing cards. I like your version!! Sorry for your loss. God Bless you and your family!!
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So sorry for your loss. As a nurse of many years in ICU it is difficult to decide who to treat first family or patient. So we try to do both. Thanks for recognizing nurses. Prayers for your family, loss is difficult for some time 🙏🙏🙏
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I have been in the hospital 150 days the last 30 years. 6 major operations & misc. times. I have never seen nurses play cards. The only time we played cards was when I volunteered for six or more years in bingo games with patients I tell them are all super sweethearts and love all of them. They were there every time I needed them.. God was with me. Top that senator.
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Thank you
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Kristina, so sorry for your loss and heartache. Even in your grief you manage to so eloquently blog about the gratitude you have for the nurses and caregivers. Believe me, their hearts were breaking for you and your family as they went about completing whatever task was necessary to alleviate the pain and suffering life had thrown your way. Thank you and may God bless you on your journey. Wishing you peace and love. ☮️❤️
#nursingschoolbestdecisionievermade
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Much respect , and sorrow in my heart for you mrs . Smith , but I salute you for your story. May god bless you , and your family.
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Thank you so much for the words of nursing. I am truly sorry for your loss. Being the daughter of a nurse, granddaughter , it is hard to see someone who has not walked the shoes of that nurse say those things of nursing. A nurse does give up a lot to help that struggle family, while their family is home waiting for them.
Again, thank you
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Thank you so much for recognizing true heroes for who they are! I am very sorry for what you and your family has suffered! We are blessed to share the lives of our patients. Many nurses are caring for their own children and parents. Many are pursuing further degrees while working overtime, myself included. But you will never find anyone more selfless than a good nurse! Thanks again! Jenn Johnson, Critical Access Hospital, RN, BSN, ICU
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I have been around Nurses all my life.. My sister being one, a dear friend was one before she died. Never have I heard of such disrespect as was given by someone who holds a political position in Our Country. I will call her “Miss NoName” . She doesn’t even deserve my respect of remembering her name. Thank you Kristina for sharing your heart breaking , gut wrenching story. I am so sorry for your loss. But so thankful God gave you your bundle of joy that your husband will continue to live through. Cards, yes Nurses do play cards everyday. And you shared very well how they do so. AND EVEN if they stop and Play a game of cards with their patients along the way they are still playing a card. The card of a moment’s pleasure to boost their patients mental status. May Our Lord continue to bless and keep you Kristina .
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The best, very best response I have read to the Senator’s statement. Her ignorance has caused quite a stir! I am a retired nurse and a widow. I remember endless times of being on call, working night shift, not attending my children’s school events, etc. Most of all I remember the hands I held, tears shed, and the beginning and end of my patients’ lives. Nursing is a calling and a ministry. You just made the most profound compliments to our profession. May God bless you as you continue to find your new normal and grieve what could and should have been. Prayers and love.
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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking time to speak in defense of my sister’s & brother’s in the nursing field.
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So sorry for your loss. Your thoughts on nursing is what makes nurses do what they do. Your kind words and appreciation humanizes nurses. Am glad they were there for you when you we’re going through a sad time when you both should have been looking forward to the birth of your child. Stay strong and Thank you.
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First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Secondly, thank you so much for your kind words of truth about nurses. Unless you have been on the receiving end of a caring nurse regardless of the department they work in, you will never truly understand.
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Thank you, Kristina Smith. I don’t know you- I wasn’t your nurse. You don’t know me- you weren’t my patient. But we might as well have been. You captured so much realistic emotion and true sentiment. It’s why this profession… nursing… is both the best and most rewarding, and yet, one of the most difficult. Just know that your experience and words touched me deeply and I will save them to reflect on when needed.
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Thank you for your very poignant letter. I am truly sorry for your loss and that you even had to experience that illness let alone pregnant . Washington State Rep has now said that the statement was taken out of context. While I’m sure there were many more words said, these words we hurtful and in no way reflect what nurses are or do. It should also be noted that her Mother was a nurse.
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I am so sorry for your loss!
Senator Walsh is building her own
“House of cards.” Someday if she or a member of her family ends up needing the care of a nurse, let’s hope the nurse assigned (she/he) hasn’t read her terrible comment! It won’t matter if they have because nurses won’t let harsh words get in the way of what they do best, saving lives, tend to the dying, comforting those who are struggling to take their next breath, holding the hands and wiping tears from families who have lost their loved ones. Wake up Senator!! Do your research before you strike an angel! If you did the proper research you would be ashamed of yourself and your words.
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Sorry for your lost 🙏💔 and Thank you for sharing your story with us and supporting the nurses and healthcare employees.
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Thank you for being so transparent as you described your journey with your husband and young family. Thank you for honoring the nursing profession in such a heartfelt way. May you continue to be courageous! God bless you and yours!
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Kristina, Deepest sorrow for your immense loss. Blessings and thanks to you for recognizing the heart of nurses everywhere. I am both an ICU nurse for 44 years, and a widow for over 5, and your writing spoke so eloquently of your love for your husband and your recognition of the nurses who cared for him that it left me in tears…. good tears.
Someone who hasn’t gone through the grief of losing a beloved can’t truly appreciate the depth at which you are changed, and I wish you well on your journey. In your own grief and pain, thank you for standing up for nurses.
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Thank you so much for sharing. I lost my husband to that exact same thing! My boys were 2, and 4 when he passed. Talk about juggling life! It was a struggle everyday and our nurses were amazing! Cards, SMH! You are exactly right when you state the kind of cards they play. Senator Walsh should probably do her us all a service and shadow a few weeks in per say the :ICU, Chemo floor, NICU, or a children’s cancer hospital. Anywhere in the hospital for that matter. We will then see how much time she has to play cards!
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I want to express my sincere sympathy to you for the loss of your husband !
I thank you for having the strength to stand up for us nurses ! Your words are profound and touched my heart! Thank you
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Thank you so much for this. It said better than any of us card players how we really feel. It brought me to tears. Thank you.
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I’m a night shift nurse. You would think I would be able to sit awhile. No, that doesn’t happen. I am the only nurse to care for, up to 30 patients. And, they DON’T sleep, contrary to popular belief.
I’ve also held the hands of the dying, comforted the scared, sat with families of the ill, trying to keep them hydrated , calm, and informed.
I have been mandated after being on duty throughout the night, because a fellow nurse was sick.
That happens from time to time, we get worn down from missing meals and breaks, holding our bladders. Depriving our hunger and thirst. We catch viruses from thE people we are caring for.
Kristina, I’m so sorry for your loss.
May God continue to bless you.
Thank you for your kind words.
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Thank you, Thank you Thank you. As a 20 year Registered nurse who has worked in many settings, including Hospice, first I wish you peace. We are trained to be patient advocates, and sometimes we work very hard to accomplish that goal, butting heads with doctors, managers, administrators, and yes, sometimes even family members. But who advocates for nurses? You just did. Beautifully. Thank you.
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Thank You for sharing your heart breaking story. Thank you for giving your nurses the credit they deserve. The ones I know have families and are very compassionate to there job . I love my nurse friends and would be honored for any one of them to care for myself or my family.
God Bless you and your children.
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Words are just not enough…God Bless you, the work you do, your sweet child, and your Angel!
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I am a Card playing Hospice nurses in a rural community. I first want to say how sorry I am for your loss but I also want to Thank you for sharing your emotional story! It brought me to tears.
You are right, Caring for the patient is just a part of what we do, we care for the families while holding in the heart beak and tears that we share. We struggle to smile at the patient, when we know there is nothing else that can be done.
There is NO way of knowing what cards are being played unless your walking in our ( the nurses, the patients or the families) shoes!!
My prayers are with you Mrs Smith and your family
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My sincerest sympathy to you and family. Nurses are the very backbone of the hospital. I have had many during my visit to the hospital and I treasured each and everyone of them . They are my heroes. God bless you and family and all NURSES.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss and truly grateful for your support of nurses.
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A lovely tribute to nurses and the care they gave you and your husband. I live in Canada where health care is often taken for granted and where extreme right-leaning politicians would love to cut back even more on monies slated for health care. My husband recently spent nearly two months in hospital and I will be eternally grateful to the nurses who cared for him. Kudos to you for a wonderful post.
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I am humbled by your story, thank you for sharing. ❤️ An oncology nurse, a colon and breast cancer survivor, and a mother!
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Kristina,
First let me say I am sorry for your loss. I am an occupational therapist in a veterans home. I have practiced OT for 29 years in a variety of settings. I have seen nurses care for patients to the point of crying when that patient passes as well as watching them go without a meal in order to take care of the patient or their family members. One thing we were taught in therapy school and I know nurses were taught this as well, is to not get emotionally attached to the patient. However the first and only rule that is broken in patient care is that we all get emotionally attached to the patient as well as the family members. We all cry with them and hug them when it is needed. So card playing like the senator was talking about doesn’t go on but true human care goes on. The nurses make me more effective in my job. The communication they give me regarding the patient’s status could not be replaced and helps me to do my job daily. I am forever grateful to work with such a worthy profession. So thank you to those nurses who do such a wonderful job for caring for us when we are at our worst.
Sincerely,
Rhonda Wallace, OTR/L
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Beautiful. Thank you for having the courage to share your journey with us.
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So very eloquently written. My heart breaks for your loss. Nurses are angels wearing scrubs instead of flowing gowns, a stethoscope instead of a halo, running around all day/night instead of floating casually on clouds. It takes a special kind of person to be a nurse.
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God Bless you and be with you always.
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I work in LTC, became a nurse after watching for two weeks while my husband wasted away from cancer. We play cards in LTC also, and we become very much involved with our resident and their families. We do our crying in private, and put on a smile when we go into a room to care for someone or to comfort a family who has just lost their loved one. Thank you for this article, I feel deeply for your and for your child who never got to know his father. I hope “Mrs. No name” gets so many decks of cards she can’t get through her house and I hope she enjoys playing with them, because it is sure she will never deal the type of cards that balance people’s lives in their hands.
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It is amazing how someone can make a statement that seems to them maybe innocuous, but in a blink of an eye can hurt so many of us. Thank you for sharing your truth, your pain and your surviving spirit.
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Oh…and I forgot to say my nurses on occasion would actually play cards with me during their occasional break times!!
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This was beautifully worded. I’ve been a nurse and playing cards for over 20 years, holding hands and being there for them. These patients are our neighbors and church members that we see in our communities daily. We know there names and their children this is rural America and I wouldn’t live any other way.
Bless you and your family.
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I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for supporting Nurses. May God Bless you and your child.
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So sad for you. Thanks for understanding how this is also so hard on your nurse to see both you and your husband to have suffered so much through all of this.
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Kristina, I am so sorry for your loss. I am a retired RN. I worked 45 years in Nursing. I worked in many areas. I worked in Hospice for 2 years. It was a wonderful experience. In all my years of Nursing, I never saw nurses playing cards. If we had any down time, we cleaned, stocked, made charts, and did CEU’S to keep up with the ever changing world of medicine…Thank you for your article on Nurses and telling people how wonderful Nurses are. I will pray for you and your family as you carry on without your loving husband, and baby’s father. God Bless you all.
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My deepest sympathy for you and your family.Ihave been a nurse for 42 years and the insult was felt so deeply,but your article has been a relief to know others see the rude comment for what it is.Thank you and God Bless you and your family.
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Thank you for a perfect description of the essence of a nurse. I was a nurse for 45yrs. Now retired. So very sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May you and your family have a blessed life.
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